Break the system
The system is designed to get the results it's getting.
Whether we realize it or not, our lives are made up of systems. Every habit, routine, and schedule we follow is a system—designed consciously or subconsciously—that produces the results we experience. These systems are shaped by our beliefs, values, and desires, and they work together to create the reality we live in every day.
We don’t always call them systems. We call them routines, rhythms, habits, preferences, or lifestyles. But at their core, they are structured patterns that guide our actions and ultimately determine our outcomes.
Systems are natural. They are the invisible architecture of life, helping us navigate the world efficiently. We exist within a solar system, a biological system, and even vast cosmic systems beyond our understanding. Everything around us operates within a structured framework, and our personal lives are no different.
But what happens when a system produces results we don’t like?
This is where we hit the first major realization: If a system is creating results we dislike, we have the power to redesign it. That realization—our agency in shaping our systems—can be both liberating and challenging. Because while we have the power to change our systems, doing so is often challenging.
Hidden Rewards
If a system is producing bad results, why don’t we just change it?
This is where things get interesting. Often, if we are maintaining a system that isn’t serving us, it’s because it is serving us—just not in the way we expect. There is something hidden, often beneath our conscious awareness, that keeps us in place. A psychological or emotional reward that we may not even recognize.
Some common hidden rewards:
Comfort & Familiarity – Change is uncertain; the current system is predictable.
Protection from Failure – If you never fully commit, you can never truly fail.
Identity Reinforcement – If you’ve always been "this type of person," change threatens that self-image.
Avoidance of Discomfort – The current system, even if painful, might be less painful than facing a deeper truth.
For example, someone who procrastinates may despise the stress of last-minute work, but they might also subconsciously enjoy the adrenaline rush—or use the chaos as an excuse for imperfection.
Understanding these hidden rewards is crucial because you can’t change a system you don’t fully see.
Change Feels So Hard
Changing a system isn’t just about willpower—it’s about understanding the structure beneath the surface. Here are a few key principles from systems thinking that explain why transformation can be difficult:
Feedback Loops – Systems reinforce themselves. If a habit rewards you in some way, even negatively, it becomes self-sustaining.
Nonlinear Dynamics – Small changes don’t always lead to immediate results. Sometimes change takes time to reach a tipping point.
Common System Archetypes:
Limits to Growth – Progress stalls because of an unseen barrier (e.g., a lack of energy, resources, or motivation).
Tragedy of the Commons – We prioritize short-term benefits at the cost of long-term success.
Without understanding these forces, we might try to change the wrong part of the system—or give up too soon.
The Role of Tension
Change rarely happens just because we "decide" to change. Instead, it happens when tension reaches a breaking point—when we either see enough value in the new system or can no longer tolerate the pain of the old one.
This is a critical realization: tension is not the enemy; it’s a tool.
The discomfort of staying the same and the desire for a different future both generate energy. The key is to channel that energy toward intentional change rather than letting it dissipate in frustration or avoidance.
Revealing the Subconscious
Before we can change a system, we need to see it clearly—including the hidden reasons we keep it in place. These journaling prompts are designed to reveal the subconscious.
The Self-Inquiry Process
Ask yourself:
What is a pattern in my life that I say I want to change, but haven’t?
What emotions come up when I imagine changing it?
What am I afraid I might lose if I let go of this pattern?
What need does this system fulfill for me, even in a dysfunctional way?
What would I gain by changing it? What would I have to face?
The Ladder of Inference
This exercise helps trace the thought patterns keeping us in old systems:
Observation: What facts am I basing my actions on?
Assumptions: What assumptions am I making about what will happen if I change?
Conclusions: What beliefs do I hold about myself that reinforce this system?
Actions: How do these beliefs drive my current behavior?
The Parade of Horribles
This exercise forces radical honesty about the consequences of not changing. Imagine your life as a parade coming down the street. What will you see if nothing changes?
What does your health look like in five years?
What relationships have suffered?
What dreams remain unfulfilled?
Write these down. Make the pain visible. When we bring discomfort into the light, it loses its power to control us.
Reframing Your Payoff
Now, take what you uncovered and ask:
Is this payoff really worth the cost?
Could I meet this need in a way that aligns with my long-term goals?
What new belief or perspective would make change easier?
By revealing these hidden drivers, we create the awareness necessary for real transformation.
Redesign Your System
It’s time to replace your old system with something more effective. These tools will help you build a system that naturally leads to the results you want.
Habit Stacking
Small changes become lasting when they are attached to existing habits. Instead of trying to build a habit from scratch, connect it to something you already do.
Want to journal? Do it right after your morning coffee.
Want to stretch? Add it to your nightly wind-down routine.
Want to read more? Pair it with your lunch break.
By tying new behaviors to existing habits, change becomes seamless and automatic.
The One-Degree Shift
Massive change often fails because it’s overwhelming. Instead, shift by one degree at a time. What is the smallest change you can make today that moves you toward a new system?
Instead of an extreme diet, add one healthy meal a day.
Instead of quitting procrastination cold turkey, start with just five focused minutes of work.
Sustainable systems are built through consistent small changes, not sudden overhauls.
Self-Compassion and Time
Some systems change overnight; others take years. The key is staying engaged in the process rather than expecting immediate perfection.
Recognize that deeply ingrained systems have been with you for a long time.
Treat change like an experiment, not a test you can fail.
Allow yourself grace in the process.
Conscious Designer of Your Life
Remember, you are the architect of your systems. You built them—consciously or unconsciously—and you have the power to rebuild them.
The key is to see the system clearly, recognize its hidden rewards, and redesign it with intention.
Change doesn’t always happen overnight, but it can start today.
